Parenting Autistic Children – Helping Autistic Children Make Friends
Friendship can be a difficult issue that comes up quite frequently for those who are parenting autistic children. There is no doubt that most children with autism want friends, but they just lack the skills to be able to make them. Friends end up being just one more thing they have to learn; one more thing they have to figure out; one more thing that just doesn't make any sense to them. What comes intuitively to those parenting autistic children comes with a lot of work to autistic children themselves.
Why do children with autism have so many problems making friends?
Well, autistic kids can't read social cues, or easily understand the "street slang" that many neurotypical kids use. Children with autism aren't able to talk casually and easily like other children their age do. As a result, they can be shunned. Autistic kids can't easily enter into conversations. Those parenting autistic children often see their loved ones being isolated, and not fitting in.
For autistic children who want friends but who cannot quite get the hang of how to get them, it can be quite painful. These kids try as best they can to engage other kids. Unfortunately, their way of speaking or the conversation topics they choose rarely matches the interests of other children their age. For those who are parenting autistic children, we stand at the sidelines watching our autistic loved ones fail time and again.
Their peers aren't interested in spaceships, the history of paper clips or Bugs Bunny. No matter how much they might try to emulate the manner and ways that their friends speak and the words they use it comes out sounding forced…like reading off of a script. Sadly, most of the kids their age won't make the effort needed to put up with their awkwardness and difference.
Four Roadblocks to Overcome
To make friends those parenting autistic children must first understand the major roadblocks that prevent their autistic children from developing friends. Once we understand these roadblocks we can help our autistic children to overcome these hurdles. When parenting autistic children, the following four issues that often inhibit friendship development:
- Odd mannerisms: kids with autism often talk too loudly, and can't modulate their tone of voice. They might interrupt others and not realize it, they might avoid eye contact, and they might violate the physical space of people around them without being aware they are doing it. It also goes without saying that many children with autism will likely talk excessively about their favorite topic.
- Rule oriented: Many kids with autism are very rule oriented. This doesn't work always well with other kids, who don't want to be so bound down with following rules (or may not even be aware of what the rules of a particular situation are – many kids like to make up their own rules when playing different games.)
- Immature interests: Often kids with autism will have interests that are more typically found in age group several years younger than they are. This makes it harder for them to connect with their peers. Those parenting autistic children may notice that their loved ones tend to get along better with children several years younger than them.
- Sensory issues: Kids with autism get overwhelmed very easily by the environment around them. This is another problem that can get in the way of doing things with friends.
Each of these issues is well known to therapists and various methods and treatments can be used to teach your autistic children how to improve their friendship-building skills.
Helping your child to make friends can be difficult, but it can be done, if you understand what the issues to overcome are. Parenting autistic children comes with many challenges, but you can overcome them with time.
And while we briefly touched on some of the teaching methods and autism treatments that can help your autistic child build friends there are many others. An excellent source of detailed information is to ask other parents what worked for them.
This is the approach Craig Kendall takes in his books. In addition to his thorough research into the methods employed, he also gives insights from moms, like yourself, who have lived through it. Craig's valuable knowledge has been distilled into several books which are invaluable resources for those parenting autistic children. The Autism Survival Guide is an excellent resource for learning about autism treatmens and therapies and for help in parenting autistic children.
I enjoy and appreciate the information, anything to help my son and my own understanding of what life is like for Nicholas. It also helps me educate my son's teacher and EA which this process is ongoing and at times very frustrating.
My name is Matt Turner from Australia. I have a 6 y.o. with autism (fairly mild). I found your work insightful and helpful - my wife is a doctor and spent many hours wading through medical texts to no avail. Our son Finley Turner is a very bright, friendly, healthy, unconditionally loved boy who can lose it sometimes. The guide helped us understand what to do and it helps him as much as us. Thanks for the work and I have recommended you to other parents in similar situations.
I found your articles to be extremely helpful...I applaud you for sharing your story and helping others who are going through similar situations. Thank you for sharing your story.
I was pleasantly surprised by the consistency, and thoroughness of the topics. I think this is a valuable tool. I think this was a valuable tool for me because as a parent we all need a kick in the butt and stay on task, constantly fighting, updating and communicating with caregivers, teachers and finding tools for our children. Keep it up!
I definitely found your information helpful. My grandson was just diagnosed this summer. He is very smart and sweet. We will continue to be an advocate for him thanks to your information. I am including a picture of him. 
"Hi my son of 3 and a half years was diagnosed today, I had concerns so prior to his appointment I researched it and joined your newsletter. The information was so helpful and very supportive it was almost like having a counselor as I opened each email I felt like some one really understood my situation so thanks you so much for that, it's a very hard thing to accept and you do feel alone but with the letters I was given inspiration and hope that not everything was going to be doom and gloom it was and still is a lifeline.
"I have found the newsletters very valuable. I have forwarded them to teachers who work with Matthias when they apply."
I have been reading your Newsletter for a while now. Find attached a picture of my family. Joel is the little boy in glasses. Thanks for putting a smile on me. My knowledge and support is increasing. I feel more positive towards helping my son than ever.
I am Ben's grandmother and see him every single day. He is a joy. What your info does is help us to understand the melt downs that quite frankly we have always put down to the meds that he takes. We have proved your theory of a strict regime for Ben. Each letter adds to our knowledge. Keep it up dear friend. We learn from you every day and will I am sure continue to learn. God Bless you.
14. December 2011 at 9:46 pm
Hello. I have a 7year old brother who is autistic ,he doesn’t go to school because he can’t talk ,he sits at home with my 22year old sister. He still talks the type of language a 1year old talks but he knows some few words but can’t construct a sentence with them. The Doctor said he has high functioning autism (I dont know what that means) and I was wondering will he end up being able to talk or even read because I’m afraid he is going to stay at home for the rest of his life.